The ups and downs

Lately, Emily has been displaying yucky colors. Sometimes even intolerable colors. I love my lil "Fashionable Diva" but she has been on the extreme side of the spectrum. By that, I mean things like screaming at us for every minor thing that upsets her. She's been changing her clothes atleast eight times a day. There has been no help from her to "try". Everything from eating, to chores, to even talking is a chore. There has been no reasoning with her. She seems to just see things from her perspective with no reguard to anyone else. It is almost as if she doesnt even care sometimes.
Dear Lord,
Please be with Emily always. Please help her see the ways of right and wrong. Please help her understand compassion and learn tolerance. I know you're working a miracle in her Lord! I see it every night as I'm tired to the bone and at the end of my rope. Then Emily says, "dont forget to pray mommy." and then she goes off into prayer with you...talking to you as if you were sitting right there on her bed. Every night is like a reminder you give to me and I'm thankful because all to many days I feel myself loosing focus and getting wrapped up in the moment. Thank you for bringing me back down to reality.
Amen!

Why I changed the blogs name...

So, initially, this was suppose to be a journal of our homeschool experiences. It turns out that all I've really written about is Emily. Because so, I've decided to create seperate blogs for each of the girls as there current experiences are on opposite ends of each other.

In my years of researching The Austism Spectrum and Aspergers Syndrome, I've found it very hard to find "real life" symptoms and behaviors. Most research only gives the extremist of possiblities and leaves us, with higher functioning children, at a loss for what our children and families are experiencing. I know every child is different but I chose to journal our experiences not only to look back on but, in hopes it will help answer unanswered questions for anoher family.

I picked the name, "The Hues of the Spectrum" because I visionalize my daughter as a VERY colorful person. One day, she may be firey RED with rage or difience. Another day, she may seem a pastel pink, exibiting delitquecy and pose'. Whatever the day or color, she's always Emily. Sometimes I seem to forget that in the mist of our seemingly chaotic drama filled day. I catch myself defining her as Autistic instead of just Emily. Which is who she is. I guess I've done this because its easier for people to understand what they're seeing when shes in a moment.

This weekend has been a trial! I've started work part time at a preschool. Emily isnt used to me doing anything but being her "mom". She can come with me to work three days out of the week and the hours are only from 3 until 6. Last Thursday was her first day. She exhibited very similar oddicies that she did when she was diagnosed three years ago. She too, was in a preschool then and ,I too, also worked there. As I was saying, Thursday, she refused to speak to anyone other than her sister and she refused snack and drink. She had done this 3 years ago too. When I was put into her room to work she became very demanding with me saying,"We have to go home now! Im hungry! I want to leave!"...over and over and over. I finally told her if she didnt stop she wouldnt be allowed to come with me anymore.I brushed Thursday off as being shy and nervous even though at home she wouldn't stop bugging me about when she got to start her new school and make new friends. Friday was a bit of a longer day. I was called in a early. Emily would be eating lunch there. Now, we pack our own lunches at this school so I know what we packed she would normally eat. Well, she didnt! So again, I chalked it up as "ok, its your choice and your hungry belly!". Then around 3 o'clock her teacher came to get me saying Emily wasnt feeling well and had a headache. She was asked if she wanted to rest on a cot but refused. She demanded me. I called Tom to come pick her up because I was afraid she would begin to make a sceen. Although, from here on out, I think I'm going to make her tough it out. Emily is a master manipulator. She loves faking sickness to go to the doctor and hospital. She also will use this tactic when she wants out of a situation. Smetimes its very difficult to know when she is truely sick. Saturday and Sunday, have been scream fests. Everything with her the past couple days has been like pulling teeth...very painful! She has been screaming at and downright not listening to her dad. She spent time with her Nana yesterday and "went off" on her becaue she tried correcting her. This is unusual for Emily. She usually only shows this extreme behavior to me, Tom or Sarah. So for her to show it to my mom was a big RED flag. She earned $5.00 yeesterday by going to work with Nana and helping out. Today she went to Wal Mart to spend it. She bought a tee shirt and some hair bows. (She loves clothes.) While she and her sister where in the bathroom Emily decided her sister was "making her mad and getting on her nerves" as she puts it. So, she reached out and clawed the front of her neck! I was soooo upset. So much so I was ready to cry. I just can't understand why my daughter acts this way sometimes. She has my undivided attention ALL the time and just down right knows better. She says she cant help it and that she was just mad. Needless to say, I took the things she bought. I gave them to my mom to hold because I knew she'd wear me down until I gave in and gave them back. Today and this weekend I'd definatly have to give a maroonish color to. I pray for her always. I love her forever.

Dear Lord,

I pray that you keep close to Emily maybe even holding her hand at times. Please help her do what she knows is right. Please help her be proud of herself and give her the confidence and encouragement she needs to get through each day. Please give me the understanding I need when I feel clueless. Please help her become ALL that you created her to be. Please never let her stray away from you Lord. For if she has you she will have all that she needs...no matter what her diagnoses is. In your name I pray.

Amen

Preparing for Emily's BIG official first day of school...

So today has been challenging yet very fulfilling. I decided to use the k12 program through Ohio Virtual Academy for Emily. I really believe I am doing what is best for her in the long run. I think its important to keep her IEP and services...atleast for this first year. She will have two teachers. One main teacher and a special education teacher. The special ed teacher will call and or visit weekly, depending on what Emily needs and how she is doing. I have great confidence in my little unique princess. I mean, shes already reading! But, I worry in the areas of; following through and sticking things out when she is challenged. At home now, I find it very hard to keep her vocused and willing to push through when shes challenged. She'll sit and work until she doesnt understand or know the answer then she just up and leaves. Trying to get her keep trying is just inviting a scream fest and a battle of the wills. It just isnt worth ruining everyones whole day because I wanna win. So as it stands now...it can be weeks before she'll willingly come back to it. She has a Jumpstart Kindegarten game that she loves but ticks her off at the same time. It can be very frustrating for both of us. Im glad and relieved to know we have support and help for her if needed.
We have made all this a BIG, BIG deal for her. She feels super important and big because of her new computer, just for her, that is on the way. She is also excited to get all of he big kid kindergarten books. Everyday at mail time is huge excitment followed by a big frown. But shortly my sweetie...it'll be here!

Lord,
I pray that you be with us during this transition.Please give Emily all the endurance and strength she needs to accomplish all of her goals. Let her smile and laugh and learn and grow...all the while praising your sweet, sweet name. In your name we pray...
Amen.

"Shackles" of structure cast off in child-directed "unschooling" - The Denver Post

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Once Upon A Homeschool...

This is the adventure of a homeschool family living their dream everyday. This is about our ups and downs and our inbetweens. We feel very blessed by God to be able to learn together.
Take a moment today and look past the clutter and the to-do list and play like a child again. It might not be a picture perfect moment, but it will be a memory!

Dear Lord,
Time passes so fast. Slow me down, God. Let me enjoy the smallest pleasures around me. Let me play and learn with my child instead of knocking down a to-do list. Let me laugh with them instead of fussing at them. Thank You for the sweet memories of today and yet to come.
In Jesus' Name
Amen